Though it's getting a bit worn and will soon be obsolete, and perhaps it is too political, I still like "Frodo failed, Bush has the Ring"

I laugh at a joke thrice

once when its told to me
once when its explained to me
and once five minutes later when I get it

There is no personal problem too large that cannot be solved by the suitable application of high explosives.

From a hiking forum i frequent, "If youre in a hurry, then why are you walking?"

Just a few nuggets from my email signature files:


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Hi! Dave's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

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This is not an answering machine, this is a telepathic thought recording device. At the beep, thing about your name, think about your number, and think about your reason for calling. We'll think about calling you back.

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Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
-- Software manual

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard, smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says: "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

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!retupmoc eht ni deppart m'I !pleH

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"Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking something different."
-- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

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Education is what you get from reading the small print;
experience is what you get from not reading it.

When the chips are down the buffalo is empty.

When all else fails read the directions.

Lee

"Stick with me and you'll be farting through silk."

Actor Robert Mitchum after he proposed to his future wife, Dorothy Spence, in the late 1930s. Mitchum remained married to Dorothy until his death in 1997.

An IMDB users signature line