I would like to apologize for my sexist remark about women who say “Eeeek!,” with an explanation.

First, I pretty much find anyone who expresses spontaneous emotion to be a genuine person whose reactions I respect as honest and legitimate. Second, I appreciate that “Eeeek! is also generously meant to warn others of a possible danger to allow them to protect themselves, a noble reaction to danger that is a mistake to belittle with a demeaning response. Third, I regret that my reaction to “Eeeek!” has historically often been to pay more attention to the “Eeeeker” than to the danger to which the “Eeeek!” has alerted me. I am sorry.

Without in any way suggesting an excuse for my behavior, I would also like to explain why I am the way I am about “Eeeeking.” From the time I was a small boy I saw cartoons, animated and static, that suggested that “Eeeek” was some type of vast overreaction to a danger that did not exist. Somewhere around 11 years of age I began feeling a special attraction to women and girls. That attraction still colors, and in some cases overrides, other, perhaps more appropriate, reactions to and understanding of, their behavior and “Eeeek!” communications. The typical “Eeeek!” situation leaves little time to consciously override such programming. Further, it has been my experience that some girls and women use a good “Eeeek!” as a way of drawing my attention to them, whether or not a legitimate “Eeeek-worthy” danger is present.

So, I am to some extent a prisoner of my programming and, while years of therapy might cure me, I still find women who say “Eeeek!” pretty darn cute.

Repeat apology and explanation.