Is civility a positive survival behavior or an impediment to survival? Civility helps preserve the social order. Ignoring incivility (road rage perhaps) may encourage incivility but may also prevent incivility escalating to physical violence. Thoughts?

I think I remember Heinlein writing something to the effect that formal politeness was the "grease" on the wheels of society, protecting the parts from rubbing together and creating friction. Politeness seems, IMO, to be dying. I deal every day with people who think that the rules don't apply to them, and by yelling at me, making threats and by trying to intimidate me that I will break the rules for them. I don't respond well to threats or intimidation.

When I say "Thank you" to someone, I rarely get any response, much the less a "your welcome" or "thank you" in return. My Mom taught us that "please" and "thank you" were "magic words." I think she was right.

I guess I would say that yes, politeness and respect to other people is good for your survival. I feel fairly certain that my being polite and respectful to some less than savory characters I have run into on the street in NYC, DC and overseas, has helped defuse a potentially unpleasant situation. But I seem to be in a minority in trying to be polite.

My Mother taught me that it didn't cost anything to be polite.

Heinlein also wrote "an armed society is a polite society, because you will have to defend your manners with your life". Makes the case for a universal concealed weapon requirement. There seems to be an occasional element in the discussions that suggests that courtesy, empathy, kindness are perceived as signs of weakness. Rather they are signs of strength, of being sufficiently secure in your powers and your self to not constantly be offensive or defensive.

It would seem to me that manners would correlate positively with survival. Manners have many sources, among which are a mutual sense of respect and an awareness of our interconnectedness. People who lack that respect will isolate themselves from others on whom they depend for the necessities of life.

There may well be exceptions to this in the short term, but as far as long-term survival goes, people who do not respect the need to work with others in a positive way will bet a serious disadvantage.

Our first grandsons first word was "please." (His second was Caca, but we won't to there). But he is now nine, and lives in Central CA, where we have unfortunately been hanging out for the last three weeks or so, and he doesn't say that very often anymore. We have been in enough stores here, putting up with the purely crappy attitude of the locals, that I have considered going postal many times (I used to think that cops, and retired cops, should be allowed one free kill a year, no questions asked). In the last few years we have been in other states where this does not seem to be the prevalent attitude, so we have to believe that behavior is dependent upon location...

Without a modicum of civility in society, I'm not sure what the point of surviving is.

Everyone has a point where they draw the line.

Jeanette Isabelle

"...Everyone has a point where they draw the line..."

Then they go postal. Or move...

I have noticed that those who seem to focus the most on the barely restrained capability and barely concealed desire to inflicting violence, often justified as being tough and 'realistic' are also seemingly the rudest, most aggressively opinionated and self-righteous group of people on the planet. They are also some of the most self-defeating people I know.

If you think the people around you are rude, impolite and inconsiderate you might take the time to find out how they perceive your attitude. You might be seeing your own attitude being thrown back at you. A smile and a kind word can often change how people see you and often will change how people treat you. Word gets out and entire communities can become much more friendly.