I suggest that instead of seeking solace on an internet forum you would be better off seeking professional help from someone in person. A trusted friend, counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist or, if you ascribe to a faith and think it might help, a preacher or other religious figure would be a place to start.

I don't wish to dissuade you from gaining what you can interacting with people online but I have found, particularly in terms of personal advice, the advice is less effective and progress is slow compared to what can be had in person from a trained mental health professional.

There may also be an underlying physical condition or chemical imbalance that is making you feel as you do. A situation your not likely to have addressed online.

I urge you to get the help you need from qualified people in person.