I feel for ya, I have ben laid off for several months now. My only saving grace has been that all of my stuff and vehicles are paid off, but now my savings has reached the point that I can make one trip to Micky D's.

Umm....not to derail this, but if you think McD's is in any way a food product to eat while on a budget - it's not. Not at all. It's expensive in many ways - not just health.

I never go to Miky D's, I just used it as an example to illustrate the state of my savings.

During the day I can keep scrambling. I am occupied with this and that trying to keep working to have some cash flow - been going okay.

Nights have been tougher. Me, the cat, a folding table covered with bills - some getting paid, some not.

Most of the time I embrace the situation. I can even find humor comparing my sometimes gross and today's net; what magic trick did I do to disappear that money?

Of course I know what went where pretty much to the penny.

I am getting better at dealing with creditors. I am a creditor, too, and not getting people to pay me does not make my day.

But what I am posting about today is how to deal with shame, because shame has proved a tough opponent.

Everyday I forgive my past self because I know he did the best he could, but I am having to forgive myself often. Keeping my head up to look the situation square in the eye is taking energy.

Thoughts?

Thanks.

Feeling the shame is not a real problem.

Not feeling it is.

The cat still thinks you're a great guy, doesn't he? Cats know.

Sue

I agree with Sue,,,again.

Consider this: when anyone enters into business, he/she accepts a certain amount of risk for a potential reward. That's the game of business. So if you're dealing with businessmen/businesswomen, who are all operating under the same rules, there's no reason to feel guilty or ashamed; they all accept a degree of risk as standard operating practice.

This assumes, of course, that you've conducted your business in a fair and ethical matter.

Employees, of course, operate under a different "contract," with much less risk and reward. So, I hope you've been able to do well by your staff.

I've lost some money when small businesses went under. That's part of the game, I guess; and when those people call me later and settle for a percentage (as has happened) I respect them for their efforts. Sure, they'll be in the doghouse for a while; but I'll talk to them in the future.

- - -

As to "shame" ... perhaps it's not my place to comment, and apologies if this crosses into politics ... but it seems to me that in this subprime business, somebody has made off with a trillion dollars and left ordinary folks holding the bag ... so if anybody should feel shame, and jail time too, it's the prime culprit(s) ... (that's just my take, FWIW)

Well, here's my take on this.

Don't confuse disappointment with shame. I think you're willing to share your situation here, and that's a sure sign that there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'd suggest that you be thankful that there's an out for you, and not a debtor's prison. We have a system that recognizes the need to allow for failings, and provides a level of protection for you. It's so common we have special courts and laws to deal with it. Yours is not a unique situation by any stretch, so hold your head up, look people square in the eye and tell the truth. Things didn't work out so well this time. There's a mess to be cleaned up and it's going to take some time, but it won't be forever, and the next thing is going to be different.

No regrets, just lessons to learn.

I can understand feeling bad about not being able to live up to your finacial commitments, but there is no shame because you have fallen on hard times regardless of what some creditors will have you believe. You are still making the attempt and working to try and fufill your obligations in an age where many people are taking the easy way out by declaring bankrupcy, or just skipping. It's gonna suck regardless of what you do until buisness picks up, just try no to let the presure get to you. and if all else fails you can always turn to us for moral support.

There is no more need to be ashamed of this than there is getting sick.

This is something you can beat. You just need to not only say that you will, but KNOW that you will. You are a creditor- that means you know how the machine works. Use that knowledge, and don't give up.