Houston Chemist in SWAT Standoff

Molotov cocktails? Not impressed.

-Blast

I knew it wasn't you because you'd be more creative and more BLAST than fizzle. Your reputation is secured on this board, have no worry about that!!!!!!

Yes, Wildman's right!

Besides, you'd never do that to your family, leaving Kuovonne to have to explain to your girls.

Sue

I have to agree with every one else plus the fact I don't think you would be writing us after offing yourself. Besides your DW would kick your butt first.

Exactly! Plus, I’m sure you’re nowhere near done teaching your girls how to blow things up, keep boys away, prepare for any disaster, etc.…

Which brings up another point, Blast!

When the boys come courting your daughters, use some of my techniques.

1) Post a copy of the "Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter" on their living room wall and direct the "prospective Beau's" attention to it.

2) Be cleaning your guns, knives, and swords.

3) Be sure to make the comment, "You know son, I haven't been able to legally kill anyone since the _______ war back in 19__. I do miss the thrill!"

4) Also be sure to mention that if your little girl doesn't return home on time and intact, "that you look forward to hauling his body among the many thousands of acres of woodlands that you have access to, with a shovel in the other hand."

I never had a problem arise with my daughter being brought home later than what was agreed to, and she was intact. Of course, I also had my Shadow Box hanging in their Living Room for him to see.

There are ways to handle all problems!!!!!

Top five actual quotes of DD1 (4 years old)

5. Can you please hold these slugs? I see some more there to catch.

4. Ooh! That's a pretty rifle. You should get it. (Yugo SKS, now in my gun safe)

3. Light this one next daddy! I like the loud boom.

2. Look! The lizard is biting me but I'm dealing with it.

1. Mason tried to hug me so I knocked him over.


I think we're doing a pretty good job as parents.


-Blast

I think you and DW have the situation under control in a marvelous fashion!!!!

Knew it wasn't you.

-Basic mollies, you can do better (worse?) than that.
-DW would probably feed you to the cat if you did this.
-No one knocked on my door asking funny questions about people I know in Texas.

I have a very dear friend who I think of as my little sister. When I've been introduced to prospective young men, I get them aside and tell them simple "look, you don't have to be afraid of me- I only swat flies, kill them cleanly. She isn't as nice as I am when she's angry." (Keep in mind, my public face can be very scary, and I usually ramp it up to the King Kong class when I give that piece of advice.)

Cute kids. They keep playing with toads and they might grow up to be tough ladies. Always had a soft spot for tough ladies. Good job.

Hehehe - we accidently did this to a good friend's niece. Her Dad, my friend and I had gone to the range for a day of trap shooting, and some rimfire shooting. When we got to my friend's B-I-L's house, it was time to clean the rifles and shotguns. It was a nice day, so we decided to do it on the porch - stay out of the way of the women who were cooking dinner inside.

Well, here we are - nice fall day, sitting on the porch, looking for all the world like 3 sterotypical "rednecks" (all we needed was a banjo) when the YL's new beau shows up for his first date. You should have seen the look on his face. There were 3 shotguns, 3 rifles, and 2 pistols, in various states of assembly sitting on the table in front of us.

Totally NOT intentional

BTW the kid turned out to be a total dweeb, and she broke up with him (much to our joy) in like 1-2 months

She's cute

My 10 YO daughter has NO problem handling slugs - the local wildlife place taught her - but spiders? She is terrified of spiders. Yet at 4-5, she used to have no problems - I have a picture of her playing with a tarantula. I have NO idea where she picked up the fear - now she walks by that same tarantula's cage and shudders.

At least at the same wildlife center, she'll still handle the slugs, lizzards, ferrets, snakes etc - just not the spider

Isn't fatherhood a trip?

Mine is about to turn 15... Hang on, the quotes get more interesting (and frightening).

Glad to see from the picture your teaching hunting and gathering skills to the DDs. Never too young to learn to forage for food.

Having the boys that date your daughter think you're a little nuts is a good thing.

All my daughter's male friends already know about "the shovel".

I plan to have the shovel propped up in the corner of the living room when one comes by to pick her up for a date ... and oh yes he will come in because the first time one pulls up and honks the word will go out "don't pull up in the driveway and blow the horn, her dad's coming out and he ain't pretty".

A big AMEN to that one! I have three girls ages 8,5, and 14 months. This is about the only thing my wife and I agree on with dating and *shudder* boys.

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be delivering a package because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two
Do not touch my daughter in my presence. You may glare at her adoringly, so long as you do not peer at anything below the neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter I will remove them.

Rule Three
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off of your hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. If you show up at my home with your pants falling down I will be forced to ensure that they do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter by taking my electric staple gun and fastening the pants directly to your waist.

Rule Four
I'm sure you've been told that sex in today's world without a "barrier device" can kill you. Let me elaborate: I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five
Current thinking is that in order for you and me to get to know each other, we should talk politics, sports, and other issues. Do not do this. Your ignorance and stupidity will only serve to anger me. The only information I require of you is when you will have my daughter home. To this end, you only need two words: "early" and "sir."

Rule Six
I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it's okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you've gone out with my little girl you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry harder.

Rule Seven
As you stand in my hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time you should not be dating my daughter. She is doing her hair, putting on make-up, or whatever; a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car.

Rule Eight
The following places are not appropriate places to take my daughter: places with beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool - places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight - places that are dark or poorly lit - places where there is dancing, holding hands, or excessive happiness - places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat - movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme. Hockey games are okay, old folks homes are better, a convent is best.

Rule Nine
Do not ever lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of you car in the driveway for a chopper coming over a rice paddy. When my PTSD starts kicking in, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Note the camouflaged face in the window is mine. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car.

To Funny Blast. Cute kids! Not to often you see little girls playing with frogs. Just make sure she knows that it isn't really a prince.

I was thinking he's start the assault off with the cat. Who else is curious how well body armor stands up to freaked out cat?

A good friend of mine has four daughters. I have one. When the boys come over, we make it a point to be out in the back yard practicing with the throwing axes.

During the course of the conversation, Jeff will usually say something like. "Have we brought that chipper back from the pond yet?"

We have a remarkably courteous group of young men in the neighborhood.

Yep, this thread is definately going to be printed out!

DD1/DD2 have no idea what is in store for them or their future dates...

-Blast

I'm thinking instead of "change the oil in my car" I'll ask him to give the cat a fleabath...

-Blast

Give the cat a flea bath?! Can't I just clean out a running meat grinder by hand?

OOOH, I like that idea...

Would even have a better impact the "the shovel" propped up in the corner.

Maybe both?? Or would that be overkill?

So many boys in the world and so many different choices on how to scare the hell out of them...

I'm feeling overwhelmed again... where's my quiet happy place again?

Using both techniques have always proven best in my experience.

Matt, you just need to put a stack of cinderblocks and some cargo net in the corner of the garage. Big, deep lake has to be good for something.