I think I would have to disagree with you on the last paragraph there. When you marry someone, I believe you give up a certain amount of autonomy. You have made a commitment to that person, for better or worse, and you have a duty to face whatever you need to face to support your spouse. In my world, you don't forsake your spouse in the manner you suggest. You've in fact given up some of your right to live an independent life. The needs of your marriage ought to be greater than your personal needs, and if they aren't then I would question your motives.

The duty you both owe to your kids does mitigate your duty to your spouse to some degree, as you suggest, but if there's a compromise that would preserve their interests and allow you to tend to your spouse's needs as well, you should be trying to find that option. Maybe there isn't one, but you have a duty to try and solve that problem if you can.

I would feel like a failure as a husband if my wife ever had to come begging and pleading of anything within my power to grant, even to the point of my demise. If you aren't willing to sacrifice all you have for the one person that is supposed to mean more to you than anything else this world could offer save the life of your child, then from my point of view you've missed the meaning of what marriage is supposed to be.

In my opinion, you have given up the right to a normal life once you took your vows. Part of your life belongs to your spouse, and according to Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, it is about an 80/20 split, with the 80% belonging now to your spouse. My grandparents thought this way and stayed together 50+ years. My parents always looked for equity in their marriages, and so have been married and divorced quite a few times. My wife and I think like my grandparents, and have been together 19 years now.

You must do as your conscience dictates. The laws of self-preservation are strong and difficult to break. It is a measure of will to subjugate our natural tendencies and serve a greater good. In fact, it goes against the apparent nature of being a survivor. But at some point, we must recogize that there are things in life bigger and more important than we are; things worth sacrificing ourselves for. Marriage ought to be one of those things, at least in my book it is.

Benjamin, I completely agree to disagree. I've had this talk with my wife and we're both on equal footing.

Don't get me wrong, I would take a bullet to "save" my wife, but I would not give up my life if I knew my wife was going to die anyway... no way, no how, no chance.



I totally disagree 100%. Marriage is about selfless love, and if my wife expected me to die along side her, she is being selfish. I would never expect or want her to open the door for me. She deserves to be happy; even with someone else. If she decides to kill herself because she didn't open the door, that is her choice and cross to bear.

We obviously have a very different philosophy about love and marriage... I don't need my wife and she doesn't need me. We want each other.

To think my life should stop because I can't live without her is, in my opinion, asinine and ludacris. I am completely ready to move on without her. Would it her? Absolutely!!! But, life doesn't stop existing.



I'm glad you have been happy and lasted so long, conratulations. however, I don't follow that line of reasoning, and saying you only existed this long because you followed your grandparents line of reasoning is absurd.

You guys lasted this long because you are your own individuals and sync up pretty well and have an understanding and acceptance of eachother. The way your parents and grandparents lived have nothing to do with it...

all of this posts are so morbid. Can't you just use GPS tracking device on your wife? it would be easier to find her or send signal to her.

Hmm, this sounds like a discussion I've had with my mom, which resulted in the same dichotomy of values. We don't have to reconcile our different opinions. Like I say, to each, his own.

I would say that at the least the influence of my grandparents and parents did leave me two very good models upon which to base my priorities, one seems correct and successful, the other less so. We do all follow our own paths, though.