Ok folks, we are moveing out of the little town we live in and on to the family farm. My DW is a city girl and told me she wants me to teach her to shoot in case I am gone and she has to defend herself or the kids. From what I still have no idea but, what ever I guess. I have taken her out shooting before and she could not hit the target at 4 feet with a mark III 22. She wont shoot a 12ga, says that they are to big for her so I was thinking of a 410. Any one other then Mossberg make a pump 410? or any better ideas for her?

Every .410 I ever shot, kicked pretty hard. How about a Remington 1100 in 20ga? Maybe even a "youth" model. That would be soft shooting and more effective than a .410.
Just my $.02.

12 ga is just a bore size, the load itself is what you need to look at. A 12 ga shooting a reduced or light target load won't kick much. As for the actual shotgun size, find a used Rem 870 and take it and your DW to a shop that works on shotguns and can fit the gun to her. Fit is key to a shotgun not kicking. Not kicking is key to taking a novice and getting them to shoot enough to start shooting well. FWIW, $.02

A 410 is pretty small for any type of self defense. What I recommend is a Remington 870 lightweight Pump 20 gauge (shorter stock etc). My daughters each have one and can handle it fine. With #6 shot at close range it is devastating. A low shot at someone in the house would certainly take there legs out. Center of mass hit would be hamburger.
It can also be used with slugs for a longer range weapon. I have killed deer at 100 yds with my daughters guns. This is with a smooth bore barrel and I practice at that range.
with a 410 I would recommend to start a youngster out with 8-12 yrs old.

Huck

I agree with the others, get something like a Remington 870, in either 12, 16, or 20 gauge, and tailor the loads to her. There are also recoil reducing stocks available, such as this one that you could consider. I have never shot a weapon equipped with one, but have talked to others who have, and they love them. You might also get a short (18-20") barrel for it, much easier to maneuver in a building...

Short barrels rule for shotguns used in personal defense. They also work for Skeet.

It just hit me that with a requirement to tailor loads for the DW, Lance has the perfect rationale for getting into reloading. My recommendation would be #4 Buck with a reduced payload rather than using birdshot. In a PD situation penetration is the stopper.

Are you looking for something for her to use for defense or something for her to learn to shoot with? If its to learn to shoot with starting with a rifle will make her a much better shot, but you have to really focus on the fundamentals of marksmanship. Practicing with a .22 rifle in the prone and working on the fundamentals would be much better then practicing shooting a shotgun and letting the spread do the work. Then if she can shoot a .22 rifle with good form, she'll easily pick up a shotgun and she'll even have an easier time learning to shoot a pistol.

People miss with shotguns people. You need to get her a proper shooting instructor.Missing a target @ 4' tells me there is a great big hole in her physical abilities no firearm can fill.

I have to agree with Chris She needs to learn to shoot before you consider what gun to get her. After she learns to shoot well then the type of gun is up to her. While your teaching her to shoot do it at a range that rents guns so she can try different types and calibers

A good instructor would be nice, but I disagree that there's necessarily a deficit in her physical ability. It's probably more mental -- a severe flinch perhaps.

I've seen a lot of novice shooters get flustered at the noise of shooting. It's got to be fun so the noise is not an issue. Another thing I hate is when some d***head thinks it will be fun to sneak a hot load into the cylinder just to get a rise and a cheap laugh. This is a good way to develop a flinch and lose a shooter.

Target loads only, no explosive targets. It really pissed me off when one of the range employees brought an explosive target onto the range while I was trying to get a teen through a BOOM session. Not cool.

Skeet and Trap Clubs usually have an instructor and classes. Shotguns are great home defense tools if the guy/gal holding the gun is an active shooter. No stress fun stuff. Build good habits -- safety first.