Hello all. About 6 months ago I was on street duty when I started getting lightheaded. Kind of like that feeling you get when you stand up too fast, only it didn't go away. I thought it was nothing, so I pulled over and got out of the patrol car and stretched a little bit. Well, to make a long story short...I still have it. It's not as severe and overwhelming as it was for the first month, but it's still here.

I went to an ear/nose/throat doctor because I thought I might have an ear infection or something of that sort. He found no signs of infection, so he sent me off to get an MRI. About a week later, he called me back and told me he made an appointment for me at a Neurologist. I asked him why and he said "just for good measure."

After seeing about 4 different Neuro's, and going through a 3-month-long battery of tests, I finally got a diagnosis on December 16th. It was "probable" Multiple Sclerosis. "Probable" because there is no real test for M.S., they just rule other things out. Needless to say, I was shocked....and pissed. Nice Christmas present, huh?

I'm only 25 years old. I am a Police Officer, and I just made the Special Weapons & Tactics Team in November. How this will affect my career, I have no idea...but I'll be damned if this will stop me from doing the things I have always done...let alone force me to quit the job I have worked so hard to get. I don't even think I will tell anyone at the station about it.

The doctors say I'm "lucky" because I caught it so early. And with the medications available today, it's very unlikely I will ever be disabled by the illness. The medication I will be taking is called Rebif (interferon beta 1-a), and I need to subcutaneously inject myself every other day. This crap costs $1250 a month! Luckily I have insurance, so it's only a $15 co-pay. Also, when I have a "relapse," I will be given cortiosteroids to make the swelling in my brain go down.

Now, I'm not a weak-willed person to say the least, and to be quite honest...I think this is [censored]. But I found myself asking stupid, unanswerable questions like "Why me? Was I a Nazi Stormtrooper in another life or something?" Then came the denial part, I started doing extensive research on the subject and my symptoms...and would call my doctor every week and say "Could it be this, could it be that...?" None of that crap helped. Basically, I'm just trying to make the best out of it. Not taking life for granted, not sweating the small stuff, and not lettting anyone get in the way of my goals and dreams.

I'll tell you one thing, I have the best damn friends/girlfriend/family/etc. Everyone was so supportive (almost too much) and willing to help in any way. The hardest part is trying to explain to everyone what it is, what it isn't, and what the long-term effects are. Thing is, I have no idea...and neither do the doctors. It's so unpredictable. I could wake up one day and be blind or paralyzed...or I could start the interferon treatment and it will just go away forever. Only time will tell. I start the treatment sometime next week. They also provided me with this cool "auto-injector" thing. All I do is insert the syringe, stab myself in the leg <img src="images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and hold it there for 10 seconds. Not cool, but better than actually watching the needle go in IMO.

They just completed testing of a new drug called "Antegren," which should be approved by the FDA in November 2003. It supposedly reduces the scar tissue on the brain (which triggers relapses) by 75-95%, and reduces the relapse rate by 45-75%. Sounds promising, I just wonder what takes the FDA so long to approve the drug.

Anyway, thanks for reading this...I had to get it out and actually see these words in front of my face.

-John McIntire