Day 20 of the quarantine. About to take out the garbage. I’m so excited I don’t know what to wear.

My house got TP’d last night. I just looked on Zillo and it’s now worth $875,000.

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyardo. I’m getting tired of Las Livingroom.

I don’t know if anybody needs to hear this, but today is Friday.

This is the longest anything made in China has ever lasted.

We’re all going to be so bored by the end of this that everybody will know how to fold a fitted sheet.