Two bits of plague humour from the UK.

Make certain that you carry your "toilet roll donor card" at all times, This explains whom you wish to receive your toilet rolls in the event of sudden death.
1) MY NEXT OF KIN
2)THE NHS
3) THE RED CROSS
4) OTHER (write details in space provided)

In other news, the UK border force have uncovered a major toilet roll smuggling operation at Dover. Dozens of toilet rolls were concealed in a shipment of cocaine.