We need to start a temporary Covid humor section here. Just to get us over the rough spots.

I'll start -

Plague Diary 200329

<<RING>>

Caller ID: 1-800 Service

Me: Hello!

(Short Pause)

Caller: (In a distinct Indian accent) Hello. This is Chad. Are you calling to get the 30% discount on your electric bill?

Me: Electric bill? Your name’s Chad?

Caller: Yes, Chad.

Me: You’re sure it’s not something like Patish. Patish Patel? ‘Cause, that’s what it sounds like to me . . . Chad.

Caller: You calling to get the 30% discount on your electric bill, yes?

Me: Where are you calling from . . . Chad?

Caller: From New York. Do you want a 30% discount on your electric bill, yes?

Me: How come you’re not quarantined . . . Chad?

Caller: I see you have paid your electric bill on time for the last year, yes?

Me: Yeah, I did, but I’ve been cooped up here in the house for the last two weeks. I need to talk to somebody. Anybody. Other than my wife. We’ve been getting on each other’s nerves, being within ten feet of each other for so long. I saw her testing the edge of my Ritter RSK the other day and looking at me funny. What’s new with you?

Caller: Sir, do you wish to save 30% on your electric bill?

Me: Hey, we don’t have to talk about that. So . . . you think we should get out of NATO?

Caller: Sir, if you will get a copy of your latest bill we can save you 30% on your bill.

Me: What are you wearing . . . Chad?

Caller: Wearing?

Me: I’m sitting here in my underwear. I haven’t shaved or taken a shower in a week.

Caller: Sir, we are trying to save you money on your electric bill.

Me: Yeah, just out of the kindness of your hearts you’re going to call me up and reduce the electric company’s revenue, right . . . Chad?

Caller: If you could just get a copy of your bill, Sir.

Me: You know . . . Chad . . . I’m retired. I like to talk to people on the phone. I can do it all day. Even before I self-quarantined. And now . . . well Jesus, I’m going stark raving dollally tap here. You can only watch so much Amazon Prime, you know.

So what else do you want to talk about? Movies? Politics? Women?

(Pause)

Hello, Chad. You still there?

Chad?

Hello, Operator! I’ve been cut off!


Edited by brandtb (03/29/20 11:44 PM)
_________________________
Univ of Saigon 68