The very good thing about all this is you are thinking about it and actively planning, working and trying to deal with the issue. With that, I'll kick in my two cents...

The whole Stress Inoculation thing I work with when I'm dealing with rookies that have no useful background and now have to deal with "incarcerated Individuals" other wise know as 'prison inmates'. Also - it's never enough. You run them through some training, spray them with OC and make them cuff a person, drag a dummy across the room, find the phone/radio on the table and call in the situation all in an effort to give them the confidence that they really can do it and survive even when hurt, scared and pepper sprayed themselves. Then we make them do it again. We are also hard about making them do it "right" as what you do in training you do when you need it. You will do what you've done.

That may not be any help but, I think you are on the right track to explore ways to mitigate the impact your anxiety will cause and trying to figure out a way to 'fight through it' when you have to.

The space program and test pilots are all famous for being calm when the wings fall off - "uh, Huston, we have a problem" and they got that way by training so hard that they could control the natural fear and anxiety that situations produced so they could work the problem and be anxious later. That will take someone special to help you with that, I'm afraid but do try to find that person / resource and work the problem. Good Luck too!

Paul -