"Dear Senator,
On a recent Boy Scout camping trip, the children of Troop XYZ were engaged in several activities related to learning outdoor skills and advancing their knowledge of the outdoors.
During the outdoor survival portion, the boys were required to create a shelter overnight. They found it quite difficult to cut ropes to appropriate lengths to lash together their construction materials, and were thus harshly exposed to a rain storm that night. As a result, 2 of our boys contracted pneumonia and are currently hospitalized.
We had a great time cooking as well. Unfortunately, without a knife, we were unable to properly gut and prepare our fresh fish. Fortunately, we adapted and overcame, using volcanic glass as a cutting implement. 1 of our boys cut part of his tongue on a piece left in the fish, and another underwent emergency surgery after another piece perforated his intestines.
Finally, we had a phenomenal time working on our rock-climbing. We learned many techniques and the boys had a great time. Disaster struck, however, when 2 boys were on one rope and one of the anchors shifted. Had a knife been available, the lower boy could have cut loose, and probably safely fallen the last 15 feet, while allowing the boy higher on the rope to safely descend. However, that was not to be, and both fell, resulting in numerous fractures in both boys.

Fortunately for all involved, no boys were threatened by other outdoorsmen encountered. I'd like to thank you for your foresight and the leadership you showed in outlawing such hazards as proper cutting instruments. I'm glad none of the boys cut themselves during our excursion.

Sincerely,
Happy Scoutmaster"

The sad thing is, something like this would probably be interpreted as compimentary. Idiot.