I have always been an assertive person, so, I cannot speak from the other side. I think its something that is in you; kinda like being a good singer, a talented artist, or something along those lines. Some people have that natural magnetic personality, are natural leaders, and some arent. But, I think being assertive, and being a leader, CAN be mutually exclusive; you dont have to be one, to be the other. A leader can recognize strengths and weaknesses in others, and employ those to the benefit of all, fr instance. Assertiveness is a little different, in that, essentially, you are strong willed. A good leader CAN posess this trait, but doesnt necessarily have to. Hope this all makes some sort of sense!

There's a difference between leading, and being assertive. By being assertive, am I to assume you mean that you would like to be more "asserting" (def: to state or declare positively and often forcefully or aggressively)

In other words, you want to speak up more often?

Step 1: think of relevant comment
Step 2: open mouth
Step 3: say thought from step 1

Really, it comes down to just taking action. Kind of like going to the gym, or asking a girl out: eventually you have to man-up and just do it. So what if you're wrong, or right? If you're wrong, as long as you're not totally off-topic, it shows you're at least paying attention and thinking. If you're right, it gets noticed.

The big thing is learning when and when not to back down. lots of blowhards like to pontificate upon themselves. If it's the boss, fine let him. If it's a coworker, if he's looking like an idiot, let him. If someone is stealing your words and trying to claim credit, I wouldn't back down. Usually something that points out his rudeness works well, such as, "I'm sorry, was I finished?" Or "I thought I was speaking, but apparently I was wrong." And sometimes, a short but rude "I'm not done" works well. Point to the interrupter at the same time.

"...Rogue Warrior...not very PC..."

That is for sure!

You really don't learn things by someone telling you how, especially when it is something like this. IMO, this is something you learn by doing it a little and with practice improving.

I also think a lack of assertiveness is often a lack of confidence and/or not wanting to offend others. It's been my experience that the less I worry about whether someone likes me or not, them more people seem to do so.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0915166127/thepsychologyinf

Assertiveness, as taught by counselors and Psychologists, typically has nothing to do with getting your way.. or "winning." It is about clear expression of your feelings and wishes. The Alberti and Emmons book has been around in various editions for many years and is still the "gold standard" if you want to teach yourself.

Something I suggested to my son, long ago, was to take a public speaking type class at your local college or junior college, or whatever you have where you live. If one class doesn't do it for you, take it again, and again, and again. Might help, can't hurt.

ps, my son ignored me, so he still has a problem with "assertiveness"...

I'm impressed that you posted this question. That took guts. Lacking context for your question, I'll venture out on a limb:

If you don't advocate for yourself and your informed opinions then others will get the opportunities, raise, promotion and recognition you deserve. Sort of the snooze-you lose scenario.

The times I've pushed back when I thought I deserved a promotion, higher salary or bonus, I've never had a boss begrudge me for making the case for myself. Sometimes I was convincing, sometimes not. You have to be a professional about it. At the least, you'll put yourself on their radar for next time and hopefully get useful feedback on your performance.

As a boss, I've never begrudged anyone who made a reasoned case for themselves. Sometimes they prevailed, sometimes not. Some considered chutzpa is admirable as a leadership trait.

Asserting in meetings depends on the players -- whether the participants are all peers or if there is hierarchy present. In any event, listening (not just hearing, but really concentrating on listening) is a critical skill so you can guage when to assert an opinion or pose a strategic question.

I heartily second OldBaldGuy's recommendation on speech class. Public speaking is among the most terrifying prospects for most people. If you can gain confidence in addressing a large audience, small ones such as you'll find in meetings should become easier.

Good luck. If this is career-related, I'd Google a lot and see what guidance comes up.

Knowing that you need to be assertive is at least half the battle. Some folks never figure the first part out.

A first step is to know that you are right; thinking you're right isn't enough, you gotta be certain. Then when you make your case you can do so with confidence.

Do you play poker?

Picard,

First off, kudos on coming here and asking the question. It's often not easy to to that.

Many here have already hit upon some great suggestions. And this is one of those subjects that have lots of paths to success. But my experience training leaders over the years has crystalized a few thoughts you might find helpful...

#1 - Assertiveness is a habit. That means it can be learned just like shyness was. That's important to remember.

#2 - Like all habits, repetition is key. At times it will be uncomfortable. Be prepared for that and accept it. You are learning a new way to act so by definition you are out of your comfort zone.

#3 - Start by helping people. This may sound counter-intuitive at first until you understand it. Instead of starting out by asking for things for yourself, many people find it easier to start being assertive by doing for others. Go into a meeting/situation looking for who you can help. Who's situation can you improve? Which person at the table can you make more successful? Who can you help win? By helping others win, you will find that you most often get what you need. Or at the very least, it will give you the "right" {in your own mind} to ask for what you need.

#4 - Continue the win-win strategy by offering options that YOU shape. Asking yes/no questions can be scary at first. That fear of rejection or closing down the options can paralyze people. Instead, craft options that are win-win in nature. You will find it much easier to be assertive. For example... instead of asking the boss additional resources (yes/no), craft options YOU can live that help HIM/HER win. "Mr Bossperson, I know there is always a lot of pressure to get the monthly report published. And it's a visible project. There are a couple of options that might help. We could either move submission deadline up to Tuesday or maybe publish via website instead of paper. Which of those do you think would work better?"

The key for #4 is the format. State issue and how you are helping that person. Offer two options that will work and you are comfortable with. Leave the decision to them. This format leaves "authority" with the other person, but you are in fact the one driving the solution. It preserves egos and is easy to do.

I hope this helps and good luck. And if you are interested in discussing more of this, send me a PM.

Find something you have mastered, something you are really good at and that is generally interesting. See if there's a place you can offer to teach your skills to someone else. It will be uncomfortable at first, but if you prepare yourself and the material well, you will find that you can speak from a position of authority, and this will build your self confidence. When you discover how to hold people's attention, you will learn a new skill, and you will be able to speak more confidently in other, less comfortable conditions.