How do I become more assertive person ?

I tend to be shy hence it hurts my career in long term.

Mine came from age and experience. Not knowing a thing about you, I am sorry to say that I can't help you much...

Whew, tough subject. Just try to do better than I do. I usually make an horses posterior out of myself if not careful.

What is assertive?

What it means to me is just speaking up clearly about what you want to without trying to run over everybody.

Now as a construction worker type person I will tell you that sometimes you have to yell at people to get their attention, and sometimes it is best to take them off to one side and talk easy to them.

Believe it or not, watching episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, gave me some very important Leadership Techniques.

Those shows demonstrate many of the times, places, and ways to apply those techniques. There are several examples of bad leadership that are just as valuable as the good leadership examples.

These shows are enactments of actual leadership theory.

my $0.02 worth.

I thought Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior by Richard Marcinko (the famous Navy SEAL guy) was a really good read though certainly not very PC.

IMO, leadership is a matter of personal charisma, integrity and competence. Some people tend to be very aggressive, backstabbing their way through the ranks to get promoted and enjoy their moment of fame. Sometimes they prevail over more competent but honest, quiet individuals. However, that does not really make them assertive or successful in the long run because anyone worth their salt will see through them easily. Aggressive self-promotion is simply no substitute for real leadership.

As Marcinko points out better than I ever could, you cannot be a good leader or a confident person (the two are basically the same) unless you believe in yourself and work with 110% intensity to achieve your goals, be it education, career or anything else in life. By doing so you will automatically improve your self-esteem. Truly assertive people (assertive in the good sense) always lead from the front. They inspire others by doing, not saying. That's why all the motivational talk so popular these days will be to little avail unless you back it with real action.

Customer service.

Steroids?

-Blast

Assertiveness is usually too simple a goal to be effective. Shy people typically go from resentful silence to nags or whiners in one step and then get frustrated when they meet resistance or get ignored.

The key is to speak up pretty close to when you first think you should. Holding back leads to coming on too strong and or over thinking of what you want to say. When you do speak say what you think one time, phrasing it as a question is good, and then leave it be.

Unfortunately being shy means feeling your under represented and ending up repeating yourself because it feels right. What gets missed is that every repetition weakens the message, causes resentment and makes you look weak.

People are creatures of habit so if people around you are used to your being passive your going to have to give them time to notice that what you say is worth listening to. Say something meaningful, make your point quickly and simply, and then let it go. Don't worry about being heard. Just practice speaking when you think of it in a natural manner.

Next time do the same thing. Wash, rinse, repeat. Over time people will notice. When they do you can then engage by asking a question. Don't overdo it. Don't repeat yourself needlessly. Don't whine. Slowly build credibility. It takes time for them to get used to listening to you and it takes time for you to calibrate what and how you want to communicate.

The other aspect seen with shy people is that often they are so worried about being heard and working on what they want to say they really don't listen. Possibly the first thing about communicating is having something to say. The easiest way to have something to say is to listen closely, ask questions, feed what people say back to them. Sounds silly but it works and can be the equivalent of conversational training wheels. People love it. It shows your paying attention. It also gets your foot in the door in a conversation.

Shy people have things to say. The problem is how to say it to people who are used to not listening to them without making it a drama. How to get heard without dominating the conversation or getting ignored.

It is an art. An art that nobody gets right all the time. Don't try for perfection. Make mistakes and laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously. Relax.

No, not roids, geez Blast.

I have a friend who was very shy. Then we got him into ren faires, fencing, and archery. That got him into doing tech work for a local theatre group. Then being a make uped and costumed wandering creepy thing in the parking lot for the halloween show, and moving on from there.

The thing about theatre, ren faires and fencing. They have women. Many of them single. The only danger is the one I face- in the renisance the ones who are interested me were legal. This is not the 15th century.

EDIT: Plan B.

Go back to school, gain knowledge.
Knowledge is power.
Evil is power.
Study hard, become evil.
Become Bond-villan evil.
Have you seen the kind entourage they get?