Funny Stories

I heard this story yesterday and I think it's too good not to share.

A woman walks into a store complaining about everything. She goes to pick out a broom. She complains that the bristles of one broom are too flimsy and that the handle of another does not feel right.

Another customer who was there offers the lady a suggestion. "Why not test flight one of the brooms and see how it handles?"

Jeanette Isabelle

AH HAHAHA!! That's a good one, Jeanette_Isabelle!

A couple of months ago, one of my neighbours got her nose out of joint because my kids messed up a huge pile of dirt left in front of our house when the powers that be ripped out all the flower boxes in the neighbourhood and then left mounds of dirt in their place. My three year old and her friend relocated some of the dirt to the sidewalk and it sent my neighbour around the bend. She hasn't even said hello to us in the thirteen years we've lived here, but as the girls were playing, she asked me if I needed to borrow her broom to clean it up. I declined and said I would use my own. It was all I could do not to say that she might need hers to fly around.

Kids - Dirt: Nature's irresistible forces of attraction. Love it!!

If a good broom is needed, just let me know. My former stepmother is the foreman of the Breaux Bridge Witche's Broom Factory. Yall should see the new M-2100 model that they just came out with. Sorry but none of the Ladies here at ETS can qualify for a test fly.

AH HAHAHA!!

Earlier this year Aldi began construction on a new store on state highway 200, a few miles from us. Later other business began to construct their buildings on 200, finished their construction and opened. Aldi, however, has yet to complete the construction despite the fact they started before others did. People are wondering what's going on. Why the hold up?

There were turtles at the construction site. Pick up the turtles and move them to a safe location. That's simple, right? No, of course not. You cannot move a turtle without having more than one government agency involved. You must fill out the turtle-moving paperwork and have it filed at the appropriate government buildings before you can pick up a turtle and move it to a safe location. You also might need a person who works in turtle moving on site but I'm not certain about that. Either way (as I'm sure everyone in the United States knows) it takes more time to fill out and file the turtle-moving paperwork than it does to actually pick up a turtle and move it.

Jeanette Isabelle

They could have just mowed them under and moved on. However, they did the right thing and got mowed under by "the process". Don't forget that the turtle-mover can only move the turtle out of the way of the equipment, not relocate it. That takes a turtle relocation specialist. The turtle relocation specialist is allowed to maintain possession of said turtle(s) while they do the research on where to relocate it. Then they have bring the turtle transportation specialist to the site so that the turtle relocation specialist can place the turtle in the approved turtle transportation vehicle. The turtle transportation vehicle driver, however, cannot transport the turtle alone. The driver will be accompanied by an approved turtle escort. Then the turtle can be truly relocated.

A husband and wife are on a ski trip. At the top of the slope, after they got off the lift, the wife says she needs to use the restroom.

There are no facilities at this end. The husband says, "There are trees over there. No one is around. You can do your business there."

The wife makes her way where trees are able to offer her some privacy. She drops her pants to her ankles and squats. The problem is the inexperienced skier does not know how to stop. Gravity, doing what gravity does, starts to pull her down the slope. Unable to stop, the wife skis in reverse with her pants down to her ankles and in squatting position. A sudden stop (collision) at the bottom of the slope breaks her arm.

In a waiting room of a medical facility the woman sees another skier. He has a broken leg.

As the woman is waiting she makes small talk. "How did you break your leg?"

"It was the strangest thing I have ever seen." The man answers. "I was riding the ski lift as a woman was skiing backwards with her bare bottom sticking out. I leaned forward to get a better look, lost my balance and fell out of the lift." The man had noticed that the woman had broken her arm so he continues. "What about you? How did you break your arm?"

Jeanette Isabelle

re:turtles... most likely Gopher tortoise in Florida

new pickup truck with engine on running the air conditioning was parked outside of a local dining establishment I frequent... Jack Russel terrier inside.. sticker on rear window "my name is NO NO BAD DOG, WHAT'S YOURS"

One of my 13 year old son's favourite jokes: What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky!

My 3 year old daughter's favourite joke now, after hearing the above at Thanksgiving dinner: What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef turkey!

In 2011 my fellow amateur writers and I worked on a Star Trek/Doctor Who crossover fanfiction. Since it included Doctor Who, I decided to contribute a science-fiction version of "Who's on First?"

Star Fleet captain, Captain Price, had punched a superior officer after being railroaded in a kangaroo court. Because of the incident, Star Fleet sent two officers with an arrest warrant for Captain Price.

DOS Mihara, an artificial life form who uses holographic technology, receives a strange message from CCC-0, a fellow artificial life form who also uses holographic technology. DOS' interface appears at the headquarters in New York to talk to CCC-0, projection to projection. "Resting on salt and battery chargers? Are you certain you heard right?"

"That is what the officers said." CCC-0 answers.

"Send me an audio clip." The AI who uses the form of a human child in a school uniform receives the audio file. "Oh, Star Fleet is charging Captain Price with two crimes, assault and battery, and they want to arrest him."

The two officers overhear DOS talking with CCC-0 and approach her. "Miss, have you seen Captain Price today?"

"No. I have not." The young AI replies.

"Do you know where he is?"

"He is with the Doctor."

"He's seeing a doctor?"

"Actually, Price is having dinner with him."

"Do you know the doctor's name?"

"Who."

"You said Captain Price is having dinner with a doctor. What is the doctor's name?"

"Who is the Doctor's name." DOS states.

The officer questioning DOS takes a deep breath. "We can appreciate the fact you are well educated in proper grammar. Who is the doctor's name?"

"That is correct."

"Do you know the doctor's name?"

"Yes."

"Who is the doctor?"

"Yes."

"I mean his name."

"Who."

"The doctor Captain Price is having dinner with."

"Who is the Doctor!"

"I'm asking you who is the doctor."

"That's the Doctor's name."

"That is who's name?"

"Yes."

"Well go ahead and tell us."

"That's it."

"That's who?"

"Yes."

"Look, is Captain Price having dinner with a doctor?"

"Certainly."

"Who is Captain Price with?"

"That's right."

The officer sighs. "Where are your parents?"

"Dad died in an accident Central America. Mom is in Japan."

"Why is your mom in Japan?"

"She lives there."

"Are you visiting the United States?"

"No. I currently reside here."

"Do you have any family living in the United States?"

"Yes. I have a sister, Hikaru."

"How old is she?"

"She is two-years-old."

"What is your name?"

"DOS."

"Could you spell your name?"

"D O S."

"Do those letters stand for something?"

"Yes."

The officer breathes a sigh of relief. "What do the initials D O S stand for?"

"Disk Operating System."

Jeanette Isabelle