Surviving Parenthood

OK folks,

So I have two sons, ages two and four. In the four years I've been a father, I've had the boys in the emergency room five times now.

Older son: Head trauma (skull fracture while he was with a sitter. Still don't know what happened, but she got fired.), dislocated elbow (twice - once was probably my fault, but I kept him from tumbling down a flight of stairs by grabbing his arm, so the MD forgave me.)

Younger son: Febrile Seizure (wrote about it here. ) and then just this morning, he got hit by a car. The car was moving slowly, and he's perfectly fine, but once again I got to do the quick trip home from work with my heart pounding to meet him and his babysitter in the ER.

So, for those of you who have successfully raised kids, and specifically sons, how in the world do I survive until they move out of the house without having a heart attack myself!?!

Sorry for venting, but I really could use a little less excitement in my life lately.

Maybe you should switch to daughters? They are a lot easier in the early years. Though I'm getting glimmers this changes as they...mature.

-Blast

That they do and not always for the best -

Pete

I have a son born with a auto immune disease. So we spent weeks at a time in the hospital for the first 5 years, then he was sequestered for four months. Still spend time in there every few months. Plus the most heartbreaking for me is watching your son be put under for 'procedures'.

All you can do is be prepared. Have your hospital BOB ready to go for all family members. Accidents happen. Some kids are more docile some are daredevils. Really it just comes down to eye to eye contact. I sort of treat my two kids like I did my M-16, never more than 3' from my sight. Of course with kids at home you can move that to the room your in.

You'll learn hopefully that unless its life threatening you got nothing to worry about. The pain and tears and discomfort will go away.

Crap. My wife worry's more about my injuries than my kids. lol

I distinguish very harshly between physical damages that can be fixed relatively easy and the rest (including mental damage).

I keep my head cool for any damage in the first category, easily fixed with bandaid, empathy and possibly a tour to the medical ward, at worst hospital for a limited time. I do not wish to sound overly cynical, but bruises cuts and broken bones rarely leave any permanent damage. I can deal with those. And I make this very deliberate choice: I do not wish to shield my kids from activities that can induce that kind of damage. The kids need to learn balance and climbing by falling, tumbling and a certain amount of physical discomfort. There is a downside and a price to pay for this attitude, but I'd rather have that than kids that can't make their footing or can't take any physical discomfort.


Any damages in the second category (severe medical condition, severe head trauma, loss of limb, or the mental kind of damage) gives me shivering. I have also been rushing to the medical ward with a kid with fewer cramps. I also did not know if my daughter would keep her finger tip after she struggled for control of the door with her brother. Both of those was red alert status for a couple of minutes. That is not something I wish to repeat.

After almost seven years of breath-taking adventure, we had our first broken arm this week Jeslep - not my son, but one of his pack that I regularly oversee. The best we can do is to try to get them to think safety first without making them paranoid, and prepare for those times that they don't, or someone else doesn't.

I'm the leader of a group of young kids, mostly boys, in the Scouts organization. As much as we try, there's always one kid that doesn't listen, and usually at least one monkey that sees and does. On a hike last week, one kid last week came running towards me full tilt, off trail and off-balance, through poison ivy and thick vines on the forest floor. As I yelled for him to stop, he ran down a hill and crashed into a bush. He was fine but could have tripped at any moment, not to mention losing an eye or two in that bush. Even the trail we were on was littered with obstacles.

I wasn't your typical girl as a kid. I loved doing the same thing, but I wasn't responsible for anyone else then and I was lucky - my first broken bone was when I as ten and I got it playing hockey. Girls can be just as breath-taking as boys.

Like MostlyHarmless, I stay sane by separating the minor and major stuff. I don't stress over the minor stuff. They are going act impulsively, daringly, and with that special irratic lack of coordination that only kids seem have, and they are going to hurt themselves. I try to anticipate it, deal with it, and I try to teach them to anticipate and deal with it to.

I'm teaching my core of three to be proactive about "just in case". They all carry a backpack to school every day so they also take a pack bandaids, along with extra water and snacks, a mini flashlight(they're still scared of the dark), a change of clothes and a raincoat. It's really cool when they remember to use them, and a very neat moment when they tell their friends that they should do the same.

I am very proactive about the serious stuff. There are things that you just can't compromise on. We're prepared to bug in or out at home, and my husband and I both have our emergency info with us at all times, along with a BOB. Emergencies happen so do yourself a favor and be prepared for them. It'll give you peace of mind.

It's a fine balance. You have to on guard, ready to act at any moment, and be able to live your life without constantly feeling on guard. When something happens, deal with it and then reassess so it will be smoother next time.

Learning to live with lives bumps and bruises is hardest on the parents. Dealing with lots of serious or major stuff might provide some perspective but only to a point.

My son has put us through a lot, he was diagnosed with Down Syndrome and a major heart defect before he was born. We got through all that, even the hopes and fears that go with getting to the scary open heart surgery on a boy barely 6 months old. There have been plenty of other scary events along the way and you'd think with this background it would be easier to cope with the day in/out bumps and bruises but we still have to work on it with both our kids.

Of course our daughter doesn't make things any easier, she has absolutely no fear and an extreme sense of drama. That means everything that happens, even minor scrapes (which she collects nearly hourly) are an opportunity for waterworks and cries of MOMMY!!! or DADDY!!!!

Its a darned tough balancing act, you want to protect them from everything but you know they have to go out and collect their own set of lessons learned the hard way.

In the long run I am pretty sure my daughter will be my undoing. She is an absolute doll but already a handful. If trends continue as she, uhm... Matures, I don't think I'm going to survive her teen years. Heck, at this rate I'm not sure how I going to make it to her pre-teen years.

- Eric

Lol Eric. I can relate.

Hi, my name is Tom, and I have five sons.

When they aren't trying to kill each other or themselves, they are trying to kill me.

We've been to the ER a few times - suprisingly few. Although it amazes me even more that I never saw the inside of one as a kid.

What is it about a boy that makes him think that if jumping from the 4th step up hurt a little, he should try the 5th step to see what happens?

We also have a baby daughter. She's human, not simian like the others. Totally different world. People say girls are expensive. What's a bunch of clothes and shoes compared to totalling the car or burning down the garage?

Should be interesting when she tries to start dating, what with 5 older brothers. That's my only comforting thought.

Jesselp, the really scary part is that you aren't even NEAR being the winner in the ER Rally.

When I was living in SoCal, a client with five young boys (all redheads, to boot!) was in the ER three times in ONE DAY! The first fell out of a tree when he tried to find how far out on a branch he could go before it dumped him. The second jumped on his bike and started peddling, suddenly discovering that his oldest brother had taken the nut off the front axle of his bike, and flew over the handlebars, landing on his face. That same evening, Mom went into the living room where her youngest was watching TV and chewing on a wooden 12" ruler, and reached down to take the ruler away. He playfully tried to dodge her hand, but his knee came up to shove off and it hit his elbow, which caused him to ram the end of the ruler into the roof of his mouth.

You people with kids have got guts. Maybe not an awful lot of foresight, but a lot of guts.

Dogs are much easier, and no one thinks anything of it when you keep them on a leash or put them into a chainlink run.

Sue

Sue:

I have the unfortunate distinction of being the only person I know who spent significant time on a dog run. As a toddler, I wandered out onto the road. My mom knew something was wrong when she heard a semi slam on its brakes. Thereafter, I was allowed to play in the front yard on the dog run.

My wife likes to imagine the scene when my father would come home from work and I would run across the hard to hug him, only to be brought up short by the chain.

No one ever questioned my mom's practicality.

I was put on a leash at the age of 3, too... worked out pretty good for about 30 minutes, until everyone left the sandpit (common gathering point for all the kids) for play behind some neighbor's house.

I think my kids really would have identified with this book - if I would let them read it.

Well, that's a start.

My brother and I were in the ER so many times that we got these "membership cards" that helped us check in faster.

We had between us:
Broken legs, broken arm, concussions, possible poisoning, bike crashes, heat burns, chemical burns, I got hit in the eyes with a leaf rake, my brother got a sinus infection from an impacted tooth that nearly killed him...

When I was a kid, after a while we gave up on going to to the ER for stitches - we grabbed a handful a sutchers and just did it ourselves.

Boys are boys.

Read this. http://www.disaboomlive.com/blogs/saydra...ising-sons.aspx

Blast Brother I'm right there with you. My oldest is 11 and boy has she blossomed. The boys don't hold much interest for her right now but she has started to notice which ones are "cute". I've got two others following her but they are only 8 and 3.

I have 22, 19 and soon to be 18 year old girls. So far I have evaded becoming a grandparent. I will however bring up the fact that it ain't just boys going to the emergency room. We've had a compound fracture of the humerus that needed emergency surgery, that was a couple of sleepless nights, an obscure, but life threatening eye infection, numerous asthma attacks, two cases of anaphylaxis requiring ER visits as well as the normal childhood injuries and predicaments.
Parents are not wired to survive their children. I share your concerns and sincerely hope all your kids, and grandchildren, are at your funeral.