Santa's PSK

So what do you think is in it? I mean the guy travels around the world all kinds of different environments, temps, terrain, altitudes, weather etc. Never mind he has the Reindeer to think about.

Anyone?

from what i gather the guy is a Saint..St Nick..i think
just that would cover all bases--

Well, of course Santa has the Doug Ritter Aviation Survival Pak and an Epirb on his sled: http://www.dougritter.com/DR-aviator_survival_pak_index.htm

(that together with the +2 module for the elfs and a tow-rope for the sled of course... :/)

With all the presents Santa carries in his sleigh, I think he is pretty well-stocked until the very end of his trip.

Moreover, he's got some magic going for him that allows him to carry more than more large containerships. I think he can fit a kit and some feed for the reindeer.

Let us consider for a moment that recent estimates (heard from a very reliable local radio station) say that due to time zone changes Santa has 32 hours in which to deliver gifts. Further estimates have calculated that with the number of households reported to house children, that Santa would have to deliver to 823 houses every second in order to complete his deliveries in the alloted time.

It is quite clear to me that there has to be some manipulation of the space-time continuum going on here. Does that mean that he takes himself out of the continuum? If so, then what sort of special gear would he need to send a distress call if his sleigh were disabled? A PLB...at least a standard one, wouldn't work. Does he have a comm system that works outside of the STC to even contact the Pole?

Would any of the typical PSK gear work outside of the STC? What is it like outside of the STC? Does everything that we experience in real time seem to stop outside the STC? If that's true, then water filtration methods wouldn't work because the water would not flow...unless of course he brought water with him...eight reindeer plus Rudolph on the foggy nights, can drink a lot...with gifts in the sleigh, his weight to lift ratio probably already precludes bring many PSK items, let alone water for him and the boys...

If we're looking at this on a surface level, i.e. "what type of gear will cover most environments and weather conditions?" then that is one thing. Looking even a little deeper, this question is very philosophical, theoretical and quite disturbing. The thing is, I'm probably going to lose sleep over this...thanks...thanks a lot !

'Tis the season though...maybe if I count sugar plums...

Of course!

Ouch, that hurts my brain

I have to say that I stopped believing in Santa many many years ago...

Not really survival kit, but how about a windshield for the sleigh? The reindeer pooping mid-flight must be awful without one, especially going as fast as he has to fly in order to visit every child in one night.

WHAT???

Say it isn't so! OK I know you're a retired LEO which I very much respect, one of the hardest jobs in the world. But still?? You have to hang on to something. It’s the spirit that its all about.

I know he's real because I've been getting coal since 1976.

Refer to

http://forums.equipped.org/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=116930#Post116930

Respectfully

Blitz

"...I've been getting coal since 1976..."

You are soooo lucky, all I ever get is bills...

Good idea on the windshield; reindeer droppings are like big deer pellets but are somewhat trianglar in shape, they really hurt if they are frozen when they hit you.

Mike

Many years ago when my sisters and I were in our teens my mother told us that only those children who believed in Santa could expect a gift from him; we are all middle aged now with teenagers of our own, but still believe when we are at mom's house.

Mike

Santa's PSK is a leather pouch filled with "Magic Dust". Everybody knows that!!! Just ask Cheech & Chong!!!!!!

Yeah, so have I, Santa's been trying to sue me since I've turned 18 (for pain and suffering) Relentless. Should have never went there with the ex-lax thing. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Stupid.

Worrying about what’s coming down my chimney

Blitz


BTW I've been saving the coal.

Oh so that's how he does it. Is that how the reindeer fly as well? (See Santa Clause is Comming to Town)

I liked Ors answer, but it is built on the premise that it is a single operator. The laws of physics indicate this probably not the case, and instead direct us to it being a number of sleighs, with Santa just being the boss of the company.

Most likely, the sleighs are equipped with sat phones and PLBs, and there are backup and SAR/TRAP sleighs staged around the globe, so pick up the payload and carry on with the mission while the busted sleigh's crew is evacated and the ride either lifted out or destroyed in place.

As far as the kits go, odds are they are built using the technology as the toy bag, and are fully equipped for most outcomes. In case of a water landing or extremely adverse conditions, pull the pins on the PLB and the strobe on the outside, crawl in, tie it off, and open an air bottle. You should float, or be isolated from the elements. Wait for pick up.

That of course assumes that the elves aren't merely serfs. In which case, they may be disposable.

ROFLMAO

Gee Raven, just as long as you're not a cynic or anything...

I was waiting for you to pipe in.

Well said.

Thank you.

I've got a better one for you-

Santa's workshop and other facilities are believed to be located at the North Pole. This information became widespread in the late Victorian era, but the facilitates may have been online earlier as the location was initially secure due to inaccessibility. There are no indications that the facility was relocated after it's location was disclosed.

In 1958, Superman constructed his Fortress of Solitude at the North Pole by radically altering the ice pack, the exact methods are unknown. From published photographs, there are no other signs of habitation in the area. From this data, it can be assumed that Santa's workshop, if not previously relocated, was destroyed by Superman in 1958 or earlier. The fate of Santa, his employees and their operation is unknown at this time.

Cross reference- since the early 1960s, young children have decided that Santa does not exist at increasingly earlier ages. During the same period of time, Superman has become year round cultural icon even in regions were Christmas has not been observed. This trend supports the possibility that Superman either rendered the Jolly Old Elf homeless or took actions that even if not intentionally led directly to the death of Santa and his Elves.

It is possible that if Santa escaped this cataclysm, that he made it to land. Assuming he was not shot down by Soviet or NATO fighter patrols, as he has not been spotted in a NATO country with a new shop, it can only be assumed that if he survived, he landed in the USSR. If he had not been found guilty of various crimes against the peasants and workers and sent to the Gulag or liquidated, he would have been absorbed into the Soviet intelligence apparatus. "He knows what you are thinking, he knows when you're awake." He would have brought with him low-observability aircraft capable of high speed and payload. And he already wore a red suit.

I'll let you decide what happened to Santa- yet another victim of Superman's blundering overaggression, a homeless refugee, or a Commie spy?

Yes, I've been eating sugar.

Actually,,,, Santa relocated his facilities and cadre to the Super, Super, Ultra Top Secret Alien base under the Anarctic snowbank/glacier. He rents the space from the Zeta Grey's in conjunction and in collusion with the Triumvirate forces of the US, UK, and France.

This is why sightings of the Grand Old Elf have been inaccurate by 180 degrees since about 1958!

Maybe Santa is Superman and the whole thing is a red herring.

I disagree with both Ors and Ironraven. Santa is obviously a singular being having the ability to go into a superpositioning state as described in the Copenhagen interpetation of quantum mechanics. His wave function would cover all the locations of children in the world. He doesn't have to worry about collapsing into a settled state because he can't be observed: children fall asleep before he arrives, adults don't believe he exsists and so are blind to him. The "Santa-blindness" of adults extends to the point that they believe THEY were the ones who bought/wrapped/placed the presents under the tree, not Santa.

The ability to go into quantum superpostion wave function removes all the difficulties of high-speed travel, too-small chimneys, a gift bag bigger on the inside than outside, raindeer poop, etc...

It makes absolutely perfect sense.

Especially if you're holding a grudge against a cat.

-Blast

Anyone ever think that maybe Santa, and Superman, might be living with Elvis???

What did my last post state????? ANARCTICA !!!!!!

They are all down there reeling, and a rocking, rolling til the break of dawn (translation: partying for 6 months straight).

"...partying for 6 months straight..."

Sounds like my kind of place!!!

Took the words right out of my mouth.


BTW Who are all these late night girls on the TV that want me to call them?

"...Who are all these late night girls on the TV that want me to call them..."

They are the women you momma warned you about...

Good to see I'm not the only one with too much sugar tonight. :P

Interesting possibility- look at the word "Elvis".

The plural form of "elf" is "elves"- just a typo away. That would explain why he can be seen in so many place at once and doesn't seem to be aging!

Always went after those girls, I didn't know they were on TV, cool.

Well, if he needs to, i hope he got me what i wished for (mre's survivla galore)

I'm not familiar with the Copenhagen interpretation...was that part of the Skoal Doctrine?

Looks like I'll have to expand my mind there...

But really Blast, you gotta let this cat thing go. I mean, our puppy chewed up 3 Spec Ops Brand belts, chewed all the buttons off a brand new insulated flannel shirt, put a hole in a new henley...but I just learned that she needed something more puppy appropriate...like rawhides.

Then again, she's never randomly attacked me either...

But a piece of advice when using duct tape with cats...put some pre-wrap on first...wives really hate it when it looks like the cat honked off the waxer at the spa...

I'm putting my lunch money on Blast's interpretation.

Santa is a gadgeteer. What ever he wants he'll pull it out of his bag.

Santa is actually Chuck Norris. He doesn't need any gear.

Then why does Santa (Chuck Norris) give coal when you’re naughty? Wouldn’t he just kick your [bleep]?

Chuck Norris made the coal breaking boards.

Was his hair (and beard) raspberry colored when he did it???

I just read online Carlos ( his real name) is suing Penquin books over the publication of the assembled Chuck Norrisisms. I will stop here, with all due apologies if Chuck is offended. Back to Santa though, His Sliegh is actualy a Studebaker cutter made in 1898, a fine BOV I have myself driven. The reindeer would indicate a Lueko/Puukko combination from Finland, available @ www.ragweedforge.com run by my friend Ragnar who is some kind of viking pagan. I'm going back to my hunting blind by the apartment dumpster. I nailed, well sort of hooked a spendid Fruit cake from SEARS with my hiking stick and attached gaffhook.

Santa was talking about "squatting" over a certain chimney, with something he called coal replacement!

Fruitcake. Yummy. I forgot that this is their season...

AWWWWWWWW I thought Santa was Jack Bauer. How else could he get so much done in just 24 hours?

That would explain why you never see them in the same place at the same time.

Santa was talking about "squatting" over a certain chimney, with something he called coal replacement!

Thats why I have razor wire around the chimney. Kind of a tradition for us.