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#287416 - 12/19/17 12:40 PM Preparedness for living with mental health problem
Eugene Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 12/26/02
Posts: 2995
I don't see this subject mentioned much. I always thought I was well prepared with gear and plans in place for various disasters but found myself quite unprepared for dealing with a child with a mental health problem. So I have learned some things and thought I'd pass them on.

My son was diagnosed with Autism last year but has had a lot of issues ever since starting school. He has issues with aggression, verbal threats, etc. Some of the things we have had to deal with are interactions with police, child protective services, multiple doctors, hospitals, etc.

Some things we have learned:

1. Be proactive, I called my work HR and let them know we have an child with Autism who has explosive and aggressive behaviors so there may be days I need to leave the office due to an emergency without time to notify my manger, or there may be police records of calls to my house when they do their regular background checks. We may also have cases open with child protective services if/when he does hurt himself. I found it better to make the notification up front rather than deal with the assumptions and have to explain the situation after. Call them and get notes on file ahead of time. Start looking at security cameras now.

2. Make sure you have good physical security. I have to keep all my cool gear locked up which means knowing where keys are at all times or multiple combinations. Add practice drills to your prep plans, know how to open the safe/lockbox's by feel in the dark. Have a lock box in Any vehicle toy might drive as many hospitals don't appreciate some of the cool gear we carry. I have double deadbolts on many doors to prevent elopement, those need to be factored into fire evacuation drills.

3. Find some training, when he says you hurt him and shows bruises, its your word against his but having some kind of formal training gives some plasuable deniability when you demonstrate to the officer or CPS the proper holds/blocks that you have been trained to use when trying to prevent self harm.

4. Find support networks early on, don't wait until family/friends are all uses up and step away 'to give you the space you need'. Contact your local department of disability and get a services administrator/coordinator to see what assistance may be available. Use it. Don't assume the situation will be temporary, plan for the worst and take anything that is available. If your situation does end up being temporary you can always pay it forward with a donation to some org which deals with your type of issues. Apply for medicaid/disability, if the situation does go long term you'll need it.

5. Find an sync tool for your phone. Cloud based services fail when your in the basement of the emergency department and there is so much equipment interfering that you can't get a signal. Put the biggest microsd card in your phone you can and a tool to sync your data. Every doctor/nurse will ask what medication they are currently on and have been on. I have a big spreadsheet that I keep up to date with every med change and sync to my phone so I can quickly open it and give the answers. But it has to be local for when/if you can't reach "the cloud". Keep your previous phone as a spare so you have something to fall back on when your current one gets broken.

6. Make sure you have a small overnight bag in your vehicles, I'm not talking about the typical BOB/GHB with your camping/outdoor survival gear, this should be things like deoderent, toothbrush, some earbuds ($5 dollar store are plenty), phone charger, etc. Things to help you feel more relaxed when sitting in a hospital room.

7. Make time for the rest of the family. I know its hard, you work 8 hours then go home and work another 8 trying to care for a kid with a mental health disorder then you crash in bed and start over the next day, after months and years of that your spouse turns into just a roommate, don't let that happen.

8. Start getting your finances in order early on. Find a trust lawyer to put your farm land in a trust so its not something that could be taken should you go bankrupt. Find out about hardship withdraw on your 401k now rather than when your really needing it.

Feel free to add anything I've missed.



Edited by Eugene (12/19/17 12:42 PM)

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#287420 - 12/19/17 05:24 PM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
Bingley Offline
Veteran

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 1576
That sounds like a terrible situation. So sorry.

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#287423 - 12/19/17 07:41 PM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
gonewiththewind Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/14/08
Posts: 1517
One of my scouts was autistic with Asperger's. When he was young it was very difficult. Everything was a learning process, but once we learned how to deal with it, he became much better. He Eagled and is now in college, doing well. There is hope.

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#287427 - 12/19/17 08:02 PM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
Jeanette_Isabelle Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 11/13/06
Posts: 2946
Loc: Nacogdoches, Texas
I have depression and anxiety. That is small compared to what you face; nevertheless, they present challenges and I need to prepare for those problems. One way is with my EDC bag which is larger than what most people carry and I need it with me everytime I leave the house. The other way is through preps. The plan is to have everything I need if we have to bug in for four months.

I'm long ways off; I'm working on what I need if we have to bug out.

Jeanette Isabelle
_________________________
I'm not sure whose twisted idea it was to put hundreds of adolescents in underfunded schools run by people whose dreams were crushed years ago, but I admire the sadism. -- Wednesday Adams, Wednesday

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#287429 - 12/19/17 09:10 PM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
Bingley Offline
Veteran

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 1576
This book may be useful for families with mentally ill patients who may be aggressive and dangerous:

Eye of the Hurricane by Ellis Amdur --

https://edgeworkbooks.com/in-the-eye-of-the-hurricane/

The link has a sample chapter.

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#287431 - 12/19/17 10:30 PM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
Bingley Offline
Veteran

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 1576
For depression and anxiety there are some techniques you can do on your own to alleviate your mood. It works for many people, though not for some. It occurs to me that if you end up having to rely on yourself in a survival situation, it may be useful to have these techniques, some of which are described in

The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, Jon Kabat-Zinn.

There are some internet resources connected with this book, and I think Kabat-Zinn (the fourth author) more stuff on mindfulness. With this sort of stuff, your mileage may vary.


Edited by Bingley (12/19/17 10:31 PM)

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#287433 - 12/19/17 11:15 PM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
bacpacjac Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 3601
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Cyber soul hugs, Eugene!

Thank you for shining a light on this topic. It's relevant for so many of us, not just with kids on the spectrum, but also those of us with aging parents and grandparents. Alzheimers and Dementia can be a similar challenge. Talk about the sandwich generation!
_________________________
Mom & Adventurer

You can find me on YouTube here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT9fpZEy5XSWkYy7sgz-mSA

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#287434 - 12/19/17 11:19 PM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Bingley]
bacpacjac Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 05/05/07
Posts: 3601
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Originally Posted By: Bingley
For depression and anxiety there are some techniques you can do on your own to alleviate your mood. It works for many people, though not for some. It occurs to me that if you end up having to rely on yourself in a survival situation, it may be useful to have these techniques, some of which are described in

The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, Jon Kabat-Zinn.

There are some internet resources connected with this book, and I think Kabat-Zinn (the fourth author) more stuff on mindfulness. With this sort of stuff, your mileage may vary.


Thanks Bingley! Chronic depression is something that we battle in our family, and I fear could be our undoing if TS was to actually HTF.
_________________________
Mom & Adventurer

You can find me on YouTube here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT9fpZEy5XSWkYy7sgz-mSA

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#287503 - 12/25/17 04:00 AM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
Comanche7 Offline
Addict

Registered: 07/04/02
Posts: 436
Loc: Florida
Eugene,

It obviously took a lot of personal conviction and inner strength to make your very concisely worded post which I believe will assist others in their journeys on similar paths.

Regrettably, in my extended family of in-laws, there is an autistic male about 30 years old now.

His father died several years ago and his mother is now the sole caretaker. It has gotten to the point that she will soon have to place him in an assisted facility due to his increasing regression and belligerence as he gets older. He is unbelievably strong and is becoming a danger to himself and others. Even though I have been around him on occasion for over 20 years now, he still surprises me from time to time.

At family gatherings, we HAVE to HAVE several people overseeing him as he will get out of hand on occasion. This includes monitoring him especially around food, unless he is handed a plate of food, he will walk up and start pawing at the buffet table food, eating everything at each food station until he simply vomits it all over the place, at which point, he repeats the process. We have to keep him away from any visual line of sight from the food displays and keep him suitably occupied with his own plate.

He has two little cousins that he adores, but he can't be trusted with them due to size and strength issues. Where the four year old cousin will simply be upset and maybe scream if she doesn't like something, he will simply lash out and hit others. At this point, he simply does not have any "filter" remaining to know when he has actually hurt someone.

While he has been receiving speech therapy as well as various other therapy and counseling for most of his life, but it's not a good situation and his mother has had to come to the realization that action is needed sooner than later. Although he has two normal older siblings that pitch in and assist their mother, like all the rest of us, they also have their own family and work obligations to deal with.

The only thing that I can add to your clearly heartfelt observations, it to "hope for the best and prepare for the worst", which it looks like you're already doing.

You and your family have my sincere admiration and best wishes in dealing with your son.

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#287507 - 12/25/17 07:14 AM Re: Preparedness for living with mental health problem [Re: Eugene]
Bingley Offline
Veteran

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 1576
Wow, sorry to hear that your families are struggling. I know some autistic people, too, but I suppose they're on the lucky end of things. They are high functioning, brilliant, and nationally recognized in their professions. It seems that their main problems is that they say socially inappropriate things (with the best of intentions), and they suffer from depression and anxiety, probably partly because of their social isolation. So I thought that was their burden. I wasn't aware autism hits some people a lot harder, and they and their family deserve our understanding and sympathy.

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