This post has nothing to do with survival preparation, just safety. I'm hoping that with all the smart heads in this forum, you could let me know if I'm doing the right things to protect myself.

I'm being faced with an uncomfortable online situation that I believe has the potential to get worse. As a professional illustrator, I have a website to promote my work to art directors and other potential clients. For the last six months, however, the most frequent visitor to my site has no reason for being there. I've determined who this individual is, and for better or worse I've known her personally and experienced what she is capable of. The volume of these visits disturbes me: almost everyday, and sometimes more than once in a day. I’ve not spoken to this individual for the last 3 years, and her previous attempt to contact me (which was malicious) has gone unanswered. I understand that she has done nothing illegal thus far.

What I’ve done since this behavior became apparent was remove all methods of contact except my email address from my professional website, college alumni directory, and other art websites. This forum is the only one of which I am a member. I do not have a site that broadcasts my personal life. I’ve requested that my fiancé and family members do the same.

Since my fiancé and this individual both live in the same state, I’m concerned that once I marry and move up there, this situation could get worse. What else can I do to protect myself once I move, but not cut my accessibility to clients (or friends)? Should I block this individual from viewing my webpage? Or do you think that would incite other activity? Is blocking a user even legal?

I hope that this post is not too off-topic. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Christina:

There is an old saying that, "No one can insult you without your permission". That sort of response also applies to being bothered by people who do not have improper or illegal contact with you.

Whatever your dislike for this person, you can not stop certain forms of behavior toward you if they are not improper or illegal. Just because she visits your website does not qualify her as a "stalker" or someone "out to get you".

If this person appears at the same functions as you either before or after you get there and she does not directly interact with you, you are paranoid at best and pompus at worst. If she appears at the same restuarants, at the same times as you but does not insist on sitting next to you, or talking to you, or making any silent motions toward you that are threatening or illegal, you have no choice but to choose another place to eat. If she then follows you there with the same behavior, you again have to find someplace else. This can go on ad infinitem and the only one that can be blamed for harrassing you is yourself.

If she does or threatens to do anything illegal, report it to the authorities and follow thru with prosecution if warranted, if not, develop a thicker skin or seek professional help to deal with your preceptions.

I'm sorry for the lack of "tsk tsk" sympathy on my part, but I believe this is the best way to resolve your problem based on what little detailed information you have given us.

Good luck!

Bountyhunter

A lady named Paxton Quigley wrote several books dealing with this subject. Her books will tell you how to keep a wall of safety between your personal life and your business/work life. I have several copies of the book Armed and Female that I have passed around to my family members to help them educate themselves on making a game plan for personal safety.

Women have an intuition that will help them if they listen to it. The fact that you are aware of this potential problem makes you better off than most. You, rightly so I believe, were not very specific about the details so I cannot offer detailed advice and would be hesitant to anyway. But can only suggest that you spend time learning about what is needed to insulate yourself from these types of people. What methods of offence or defense you chose has to be a personal chose that you could be comfortable living daily with. What ever you do don’t put a Band-Aid type fix on this. Safety is a life time learning process.

Thank you Bountyhunter, as usual I enjoy your helpful perspective. I know what qualifies as harassment and this particular situation does not. It is good to hear that truth from another person, and to trust in it.

And thank you SheepDog, for the reference material. It is also helpful to know that I should trust my intuition and educate myself as best I can. That, at least, I can do.

I wouldn't block the website, partly because any kind of reaction from you might stimulate her interest.

I did a quick search for your name, but didn't get very far - possibly someone knowing you better would know what to search for. It's worth checking your online presence yourself. I had worried that your old contact details would still be in google's cache, but your website isn't very google-friendly. She may have kept copies herself from before you removed them, but then again she may not.

The only other practical advice is to keep records. Note down events and times so that if ever you do need to take formal action, you can show a history of the stalking (if that's what it is/becomes).

Well, I can toss in a few cents on the parts that other's haven't touched.

I hate to say this, but there really is no way to block a visitor from a website. Yes, if you willing to go to the trouble and admin your host, you can block an IP or IP-range from accessing your server. That isn't hard to get around if you want- new ISP, or use any of a variety of anonymiser software, or the library, or a net cafe.... And if you don't admin your host, you will fight an uphill battle with them to get this done, just becuase it is can be a pain in the butt to do, and really doesn't stop them.

As for your contact information, if you own your domain, whois and other domain name agents used to let you see a lot of information about who the domain is registered to. Been a while since I had to try to bid on a domain name that was about to become free, so I don't know if that's changed.

Hate to be the barer of bad news, but if you have a cyberstalker, there really isn't a lot that can be done without the court on your side, and even then it isn't much.